There has to be something scientific about the humiliation ritual that is having a crush on someone when you’re so deathly insecure about the way you look. When I first joined university I kind of thought this whole social hierarchy of friendships and peers would dissipate and popularity wouldn’t exist as much. And while it is definitely different to secondary school in terms of there being no bullying or strict cliques, there is definitely still some kind of segregation between groups, and I’ve found that it’s partly based on appearance. Don’t get me wrong, there is certainly an aspect of personality to it, but on the whole the people everyone seems to know tend to be – for lack of a better phrase – excruciatingly attractive.
It’s not like I despise everything about the way I look, because I don’t, but there are definitely some things I would change. Get rid of a couple of kilograms here and there, maybe get rid of my scars. Having said this, I am not the most attractive person I know – and that’s okay. There are some absolute stunners in my flat and generally just people I’ve seen around campus, and while I’m jealous for sure, I know there are other redeeming qualities I have.
Circling back, having a crush is usually miserable – for me at least. I become very invested, probably too much. Having a crush on someone who is way out of your “league” is significantly more miserable. The whole idea of “leagues” is very subjective and frankly kind of an evil concept, mainly because we as people (no matter how much we try to deny it) are, to some extent, vain. We like the way some people look and we don’t like the way others look. Again, it’s shallow and horrible and whatnot but there’s no escaping it. From magazines to youtube, or even just in the street, there are pretty people everywhere. It’s been ingrained into us to admire (and want to look like) these people with no real reason other than convention, and it sucks.
Just to be clear, this isn’t me saying pretty people are bad, because most of the time they also have a great personality (which pisses me off a little bit more) – but whatever, maybe I’m just bitter.
Fuck the beauty standards and all that, just do what you want and feel cute doing it
